So I’m going to continue telling this story that I started the other day…
If you didn’t see that post, you can go read it here. Lots going on over there… (yea, I can TALK yo)
Anyhoo… let’s talk about what happened at the conference a little bit more. After I took a good, long listen to Marie Forleo and had some good, long introspection, I had dinner with a friend from Santa Barbara at the best restaurant in town (remember, I used to live there) and went back to the nicest inn in the city and watched TV until way too late as an indulgence (I no longer own a TV). I found out later that Eben and his wife were actually staying at my inn (which was quite small). I may not be as rich as Eben, but I will live like it if it’s the last thing I do! It STARTS with an abundant mindset – not the other way around – I’ve learned that over and over.
In the morning, I saw Mike Hill talk. This dude buys over $100,000 a MONTH with Facebook ALONE. Yea. Do you know now why I wanted to go see him speak? Well, luckily he gave away all of his secrets to traffic and converting it right there on stage. Too bad it was only a 40 minute presentation and he had to fly through it at lightning speed. Luckily, he let everybody in the audience have all his slides and his ridiculously intricate mindmap – everything it takes to set up a successful landing page that will convert. See guys, it pays more than you know to go to these events. He’s got one client earning over $80 per lead with that damn mindmap! And he’s just some average dude with a business who came to Mike and said, “just tell me what to do.” And then he did it. Now he’s basically set.
Later in the day I went to lunch with Peter and Paul and we talked shop again. Those guys are both doing something I have been too scared to do – creating software. Well, they are doing it regularly. I just want to do one damn plugin. I guess I always shied away from it because I didn’t want to handle all the crazy support that is usually necessary. I’m not going to let that stop me anymore. I have a support team, I am meticulous, I HATE bugs in software… I can do this. And I will. By the end of the year, I will have developed my first plugin. I’ve had the idea for quite a while. And believe me, it’s going to be a real game-changer.
Peter was invited by Eben to be part of a mastermind of like 20-30 guys that weekend – guys who were passionate about creating software. I thought for a second. Why just for guys who are passionate about developing software? Why is Eben Pagan and Peter Garety investing in so much software and why are they so interested in it? Why did Greg Jacobs tell me a story about how he noticed that software developers are always the ones sitting in First Class? (Yes, there was more to that story, but you get the point) And then it just occurred to me… everything we fucking do is on software!! Duh! This is where the big dogs play. Yea sure, some play in information and training. But what makes the whole interweb tick? Software! Yea, hardware too. But that is a whole other beast. Software is the future of technology.
It was like I’ve been having a dumb moment my entire life. I realize how valuable it is every day. I love it to death. I have ideas for it all the time. But why haven’t I had the balls to develop it? Good question.
So we all headed up to this gorgeous park in the mountains of Santa Barbara and that is where there was a speaker panel, Eben’s keynote speech, and a BBQ. I really loved the idea. They just changed locations and it made so much difference. It went from a weird, dingy theater to an ampitheater in nature. I absolutely loved being there and I give OAP, who changed their brand to Ontraport during the conference (because apparently Microsoft sues even little coffee shops that use the word “Office” in their business names – which I think is supremely lame), a lot of credit for doing something different and awesome.
Before Eben spoke, I actually ran into Marie Forleo and chatted with her a bit. I asked her if she had any dudes who come to her events and she said “Yea, we have a bunch of really cool guys in our community!” Turns out she was in a lot of women-heavy niches prior to teaching “B-School”, and obviously she’s a woman so she just happens to have a women-heavy following.
We talked about how we were both shocked the OAP conference was actually gender-balanced. I told her most of the IM conferences I go to are 90%+ guys. She said she thought it’s because OAP has more “heart” than most IM companies. Also, after polling my list from this last launch, 80%+ are guys. I admitted that I’m not sure I know how to sell to women or my copy may be skewed for men. She asked me, “is that important to you, selling to women?” I said, well I have some ideas for products for women. I said, on the way over I had a great book idea that I would title “Beards Are Like Boobs.” (Based on the polarity concept that beards are inherently masculine and boobs are inherently feminine – so really, for both genders) Both her and her friend had a VISCERAL reaction to that title and said, it’s good, but not if I want it to sell to women. We all had a pretty good laugh at that. I thought later, what if I call it “Boobs Are Like Beards” and put the women “on top”, so to speak…? Would that fly? 
So after that little chat, it was time for Eben’s talk. Was it brilliant? Yea, pretty much. The dude is a specimen of brilliance. He talked about creativity, innovation, and productivity, of course. But there were 2 parts of the talk that I think will really stick with me – at least I noticed them right away as important to me…
The first thing, business related, had to do with what Eben claimed was, “the biggest challenge that entrepreneurs face in business today…”
What is it? Distraction and interruption.
TOTALLY!!!! Dude hit the nail on the head. That describes my whole Monday! Woke up to a phone call, dodged like 9 Skypes, then a Paypal dispute comes in and throws me off, then a partner for a practice that I do texts me incessantly… on and on. Glad I noticed it and buckled down.
The way Eben described it… you better get a handle on your distractions and interruptions because even if you do, there is a very large glass building somewhere where a team of mad scientists are scheming a way to get your attention back. Ain’t that the truth.
Earlier that day we actually listened to a talk from a very smart woman who is COO of Ontraport. One of the things she implemented when she came in to the company (and by the way, she has turned like 4-5 companies into million dollar enterprises) is this thing called “block time”. For 3 hours a day, split into two 90 minutes sessions, the office is not allowed to talk to each other. Each person must individually work on a creative project that is a priority for them. At first, people questioned it and rebelled a bit. But now they do it religiously, love their precious “block time”, and their office has become twice as productive. I will be instituting block time in my house. Phone, email, Skype, and Facebook – all shut down while I do a creative project – every work day. Thank you Lena!
Next thing I really noticed that Eben said was after he made a light joke… one that people didn’t really laugh at. I’m not saying he’s not funny – because he is – it was just one of those jokes said under his breath and not meant to hit hard. But one lady in the audience really cracked up hard. And he said, “ah, that’s my wife’s laugh.” I just loved that. Isn’t it awesome when somebody just gets you so much that they are the only person out of like 300 to laugh at your joke, and then you just hear it and right away you know it’s them? It was a cool moment.
After Eben’s talk, I went to my car and when I was walking back, I knew I had to talk to him. I actually had a story I thought he would really like. When I got back, he was surrounded by like 6 people, obviously. I can imagine that is much of his life, especially when he is a speaker at a conference. So actually I went to go talk to his wife. I actually saw her on the street earlier in the day, before I knew who she was. We were walking down a street that was away from the conference, on the street where our inn was. I remembered noticing her because she was walking confidently, with a smile and her head up. She was wearing bright purple colors and light was just pouring out of her. When she passed, I said to myself, “Not sure what that was about, but she is special, I’m sure of it.” Obviously I found out later she is Eben Pagan’s wife – and we’re talking about a guy who has taught thousands, maybe millions of men to be excellent with women. And it turns out she is pregnant to boot.
We spoke for a bit about what she does and how they met. That was a very interesting conversation, but private I would say. Soon enough she mentioned I should go over to Eben because there were less people around him now.
I introduced myself, pointing out to him that I had met him once before, at a David Deida workshop. See, when I was younger, I was absolutely terrible with women. I didn’t understand them and I couldn’t attract them to save my life, despite being a decent looking dude. But when I was 21, I read a book called “The Game: Penetrating The Secret Society Of Pickup Artists”, a book you’ve probably heard of. A book that may be the most influential relationship genre book of all time, though it is simply a 2-year “snippet autobiography” of Niel Strauss’ life and how he did such a thing. That book cracked my whole world open. One of the guys mentioned briefly in the book for having solid material about teaching men to be good with women, was a guy named David Deangelo. As you probably know, this is the dating-teacher alter-ego of Eben Pagan and the author and owner of Double Your Dating – the biggest dating advice company on the internet. At one point, this company was doing over $20 million a year in sales – not sure what it is now, but I believe he just sold it for upwards of that amount.
I studied David Deangelo’s material for at least 2 years. I bought multiple training programs. He had one called “Advanced Dating Techniques” which was a 12 or 16 CD set that I listened to over and over. I received his continuity CDs – “Interviews with dating gurus”, where I got exposed to many other great teachers. His material changed my life dramatically. His wife said to me that people run up to him almost everywhere they go thanking him. She said that people just adore him and it’s amazing to see. I said to her, “I do adore him.” That man’s work forever changed me and my ability to be with women. And if you’re a guy (which you probably are – given that about 80% of my “peeps” are), then you know that there is little more important than the love and touch of a woman. So my message to you: Do not withhold your gift to the world. Eben wasn’t a dating master when he started Double Your Dating. He was a dude with some good ideas about dating women. But he wrote an ebook that changed the lives of millions, and I’m a walking testimonial for his material. I’m going on a date with a beautiful, intelligent woman tomorrow. 
So when I was studying his material, I remember him saying, if you learn from just one guy out there, it should be David Deida. So naturally I picked up his book, “The Way Of The Superior Man” and read it. Life-changing book if you haven’t read it by the way – taught me how to be a MAN. Then we both ended up at a David Deida workshop together about 4 years ago.
While I was there I saw him, walked up to him and one other dating “guru” that I knew and introduced myself and thanked them for their work. Eben and I started chatting a bit and he said to me nonchalantly… “You know, David D is not actually my real name…” I turned to him and said, “Oh, really…” And right then, as I was about to ask him more, we were ushered back into the workshop.
Later in the workshop, Eben was called up on stage for an exercise. As part of it, David Deida asked him what he did for a living. Eben said, “I’m an internet marketer.” I remember being PISSED. I was like, dude, how could you lie about what you do? I thought he was withholding the truth that he was a dating coach because we were at a relationship/sex workshop.
About a year later or so, I’m in my Mom’s basement trying to figure out this whole internet marketing thing and Terry Kyle asks me, “have you heard of Eben Pagan? His stuff is the best.” And he sent a video for Self-made Wealth. I was like, “Holy shit, it’s David D!”
I literally did not know that he was a marketer. And now I do what he does.
So I told him this story and we had good little moment about it and parted ways.
Oh wow… I’m going to have to start placing a time limit on myself for these blog posts. It has been an hour and a half so far and I still have to tell you about 2 more very important conversations I had…
…So they will have to come in the dramatic part 3 conclusion.
I will be telling you about…
- The eye-opening conversation I had with Brandon from Ontraport about email deliverability and more
- The amazing and hard-to-hear insights I got from Mike Hill about how to not get your ass sued HARD from doing things wrong with email
And like I said last time… who knows what else will come out of my brain. See you in part 3…
